Grandparent moving in: helping young kids adjust

When a grandparent moves in, young kids adjust best when you tell them simply and ahead of time, show them what will stay the same, give them a small part in getting ready, and protect the routines they rely on. Plan for the practical side too: where everyone sleeps, quiet hours, and keeping a grandparent's medicines out of reach. If the move is because of illness or memory loss, a short, honest explanation helps more than silence. Most young children take to the change faster than the adults do, especially once the grandparent becomes part of the daily rhythm.

You are not unusual

Living with grandparents is the normal arrangement in many cultures and a growing one in the US. Pew Research Center found that the number of people in multigenerational family households quadrupled from 1971 to 2021, reaching 59.7 million, or 18% of the US population. In the same report, a third of adults in multigenerational households said caregiving was a major reason, including 25% who cited adult caregiving and 12% who cited child care. Adults described it honestly: about a quarter said it was stressful all or most of the time, and more than twice that share said it was mostly or always rewarding.

Both feelings will probably show up in your house. That is fine.

How to tell young kids

A move into your home is a change of home for your child, even if nobody packs a box. ZERO TO THREE's advice for toddlers facing a move fits well: explain it using simple, reassuring language that leaves the door open for questions, and talk about what will be the same and what will be different.

• Timing: a week or two ahead for a toddler, a little more for a preschooler.
• What to say: "Grandma is coming to live with us. She will sleep in the room next to yours. You will still go to school, and Daddy will still read your bedtime story."
• Why, briefly: "Her house was too big for her," or "She needs help since her fall," or "She is going to help take care of you while we work." One sentence is enough.
• Questions: answer what they ask, honestly, and stop there.

If your child is giving up a room or moving in with a sibling, say so early and make their new space theirs before the grandparent arrives. ZERO TO THREE notes that babies and toddlers pick up on their parents' stress and may act out, so a calm tone matters as much as the words.

Getting ready together

Children cope with change better when they have a job. ZERO TO THREE suggests that older toddlers help pack and unpack by handing objects to their parents, which can feel empowering when things seem out of their control. For a grandparent moving in:

• Let your child pick a welcome picture to hang in the grandparent's room.
• Have them carry something light, like pillows or a plant.
• Make a "welcome to our house" card together.
• Show the grandparent around as a team: "This is where we keep the cups."
• Take a photo on move-in day. It becomes the first page of the story of living together.

Sharing a house: routines, space and quiet

The first few weeks are about working out the rhythm. A few things help:

Issue	What tends to work
Bedtimes	Keep your child's routine exactly as it was. A grandparent can join it (one book), not replace it.
Grandparent's room	A clear rule: knock first, and it is a quiet room. A sign your child colors helps.
Noise and naps	Agree on quiet hours if the grandparent rests in the afternoon.
Rules	Parents set them, and grandparents and parents talk privately when they disagree, not in front of the kids.
One-on-one time	Protect a little time each day with just you and your child, so the new person does not feel like a replacement.
Grandparent time	A small daily ritual: a puzzle after lunch, watering plants, a walk to the mailbox.

That last row is the best part. The rituals kids build with a live-in grandparent are often the things they remember most.

Safety: medicines and mobility

The one safety issue to deal with on day one is medicine. The AAP says that about 50,000 children under 5 end up in emergency departments each year for poisoning after swallowing medicine, and asks parents to remind grandparents and other visitors to keep purses, bags or jackets that have medicines in them away from children's reach. The Up and Away campaign, first created with the CDC, points out that many pill organizers are not child-resistant and can be easily opened by young children.

A quick checklist for move-in week:

• A locked box or high cabinet for all of the grandparent's medicines, including vitamins and creams.
• Nothing on bedside tables, bathroom counters or kitchen windowsills.
• Walkers, canes and oxygen tubing in places toddlers will not trip or play.
• Teach your child: "Grandpa's pills are only for Grandpa."

When the move is because of illness or memory loss

Many grandparents move in because they need care. Young children notice changes even when no one explains them. The Alzheimer's Association notes that children may not know about the different stages of Alzheimer's or understand changes in their loved one's behavior, and that age-appropriate explanations help them know what to expect and how to connect. Its site has books, videos and activity lists for children.

For a toddler or preschooler, keep it short: "Grandpa has an illness in his brain. Sometimes he forgets names, even ours. It's not because of anything you did, and he still loves you." Then give them something to do together that does not depend on memory: coloring side by side, sorting buttons, singing an old song.

If a grandparent's health is declining, our guide on the death of a grandparent may help later.

Books about grandparents at home

All are in the Seattle Public Library catalog:

• Song and Dance Man by Karen Ackerman: grandchildren watch their grandpa perform his old vaudeville act in the attic. (catalog record)
• The Remember Balloons by Jessie Oliveros: a boy's grandfather begins to lose his memories, and the boy learns to hold them for him. Good for 4 and up. (catalog record)
• Nana Upstairs & Nana Downstairs by Tomie dePaola: a boy visits the house where his grandmother and his bedridden great-grandmother live.
• Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge by Mem Fox: a small boy helps an elderly friend find her memories.

A homemade book helps too: photos of move-in day, the welcome picture, the daily walk to the mailbox. Our guide on how to write a short story starring your child shows how, and family tree activities for kids is a good next project with a grandparent in the house. More guides to family changes are in our big moments section.

Questions parents ask